Feel Again
by arilovexo
Summary: A story in which Cat runs away for ten months & suddenly returns. Robbie's the only who knows what happened & helps her overcome her fears. Cat/Robbie


**I realize I write more Degrassi stories now, but this idea came to me, and even though Degrassi's a way more intense show, I thought this idea fit Cat and Robbie better. I've been working on it for a while now and literally _just_ finished it. It's as cheesy as the others, but also very emotional. **

**Jade and Cat's friendship rules, yo.**

**Enjoy & review.**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

He hadn't seen her in about ten months. _Ten damn months_. She had just disappeared one day, out of nowhere. Gone without so much as a goodbye.

Everyone thought he was pissed off.

Everyone thought he'd never want to speak to her again if she returned.

But they were so, _so _wrong.

He wanted to talk to her.

He wanted to know what happened.

And most importantly, he wanted to help her.

He always had his head in his hands, quietly sitting at the lunch table where he and his friends usually sat. They knew not to ask him how he was doing. Since every time someone did he would blow up at them and yell until one of his friends dragged him away.

He wasn't going to admit it though.

That he was sad that she was gone.

But the truth was.

He missed her.

And he was _in love _with her.

* * *

He'd didn't really leave the house much, not when he was a kid, not when he started high school, and most definitely not after she left. But for some reason, something told him he needed to go out that day.

So he did.

He was walking around Venice Beach, ignoring the happy sounds of people playing music and children running around, the ocean breeze making his hair move around, his hands in his pockets, when he bumped into someone. He mumbled an apology, but just as he was about to walk away, the person lost their footing and fell to ground, landing on their hands and knees.

Now he knew it wasn't his fault.

He didn't really want to help them, but something told him he should help them.

So he did.

He helped the girl up, and steadied her so that she wasn't going to fall over again. She started to giggle—which in turn caused his body to freeze.

He knew that giggle; he'd know it anywhere.

The girl lifted her face, and he couldn't deny it anymore.

She was here.

Cat Valentine was back.

* * *

"Cat?" He whispered, and the girl looked at him, her eyes wide as she realized who she was talking to. She immediately stopped laughing and pulled away so abruptly and suddenly, she stumbled and almost fell again.

"Shit." She whispered to herself, bringing the hood of her jacket up, she covered her hair, and looked down. She was about to turn and run away, when he touched her shoulder, forcing him to spin around towards him.

She played with the ends of her straight dark hair, and kept her eyes downcast.

"Okay." He said, keeping his voice calm. "Where the fuck have you been?"

Well, he definitely wasn't being gentle that was for sure. But he felt he deserved some answers, and deserved them _now_.

"Cat?" He prompted when she didn't answer for a few minutes. She looked up at him, her eyes full of hurt and a bunch of other emotions he couldn't quite place. "Answer me." He said, his voice calm and gentle, but still stern.

"I was in Canada." She finally answered, her voice barely audible.

"You were in Canada." He repeated, "Why were you in Canada?"

"Because…" She shook her head, "I can't tell you. I have to go." She tried to leave again, but he grabbed her arm quickly, causing a flash of fear to pass over her face. He was confused by that, so he let her go, and watched as she stumbled away, running as fast as she could.

And there was nothing he could do but watch her leave.

* * *

"Are you _sure_ it was Cat?" Jade asked, her hands on her hips as she stared him down.

He nodded, "I'd know her face anywhere."

Beck looked in between his girlfriend and once of his best friends, "And you said she just ran away? Didn't even give herself a chance to talk?"

He nodded again, "The only thing I got from her was that she was in Canada all this damn time." He hit the top of his desk with his fist angrily.

He looked up briefly to see something like recognition on Beck's face, but he just brushed it off. Jade looked in between him and Beck, and rubbed her eyes.

"Why wouldn't she just—" Jade shook her head, she looked away a moment, biting her lip, before looking back at the two boys. "What could've happened that made her so afraid?" She whispered.

He shrugged and a moment later spoke, "That's what I'm trying to figure out."

* * *

She knew she shouldn't have gotten scared and ran away from him like that. He was after all a close friend of hers, he'd understand and be there for her, just like he'd always had been her whole life. But still, she was scared. Scared of what he'd say, of what he'd think.

She couldn't tell him the truth.

She looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes filling with tears as she thought about what she'd done that made her leave for over half a year. All of it had been her fault, _every single little thing_ that happened.

So imagine her surprise, when a few days later, she was standing on the other side of the fence, watching her friends eat their lunch, all of them looking miserable. All of them wanting to know what the hell made her leave, made her so afraid.

Made her unable to trust them anymore.

She bit her lip, tears coming to her eyes; she walked around, and without even realizing it, ended up in the front hallway, where her locker used to be. Somehow her brain and body had disconnected and really only her body was working properly.

She kept walking, ignoring the stares of other students as she passed by them. She kept going and going until she reached her destination.

Sikowitz's classroom.

And she was surprised to find.

She wasn't alone.

* * *

"Robbie." She whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks, as she brought her hand to her mouth, biting her lip to keep from crying out too loud.

He had his back faced to her, hunched over. What she could see was the neck of a guitar, and she could hear him playing it too.

She stepped closer to him, and stood behind him, listening as he played. She closed her eyes, letting the melody take over her body, as she silently danced along to it. It was beautiful.

Truly beautiful.

And then, he started to sing along, his voice sounded just… amazing. She couldn't place what she was feeling at that moment, but what she did feel, she never wanted it to leave her.

It was like when he'd sung her the song he wrote for her so that she'd know how he felt. But instead she just made a dumb comment, and that was it. She'd never heard anything about his feelings again after that.

How could she have been so stupid?

The playing then stopped and she opened her eyes, realizing he was about to see her; she turned and ran out of the room. She ran and ran and ran until she couldn't anymore and collapsed on the ground, her sobs over taking her body as she cried.

She just wished she could talk to him again.

Tell him everything.

Then maybe she wouldn't feel so alone and so scared.

He protected her before.

But something in her mind told her he wouldn't be able to anymore.

* * *

He'd been playing the guitar, oblivious to everything around him, singing the lyrics he'd written down, his eyes closed as he played. He didn't know he had an audience, but still for some reason, he could _feel _she was there.

Almost like she knew he was writing this song for her, almost like she knew he had thought of nothing but her for the past ten months.

But he knew it wasn't true.

He knew it was a lie.

He was surprised to see that he'd been wrong all along.

She _had_ been there.

And she heard everything.

So when he heard the door slam, he knew his mind wasn't messing with him.

He knew it was true.

* * *

It had been another month. It was now October.

She hadn't gone back to school, or had any run-ins with everyone since returning.

She'd been able to keep her distance.

In fact, she had made new friends, and now hung out with them. She started going to school somewhere else, on the other side of town.

She was now a new person.

"Hey, Cattie." She looked up to see Samantha smiling at her. "You in for tonight?"

She blinked and looked at her, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, what's happening tonight?"

"We're all going to this sick karaoke club. Are you in?"

Though it sounded familiar to her, she knew going out with her friends wouldn't hurt.

"Yeah…" She smiled, "I'm definitely in."

* * *

"Robbie!" Tori ran up to him excitedly, slipping on her shoes as she did, running to him until she couldn't breathe. She just _had_ to tell him her exciting news.

"Yes?" He asked her, looking at her amused.

"You, me, Andre, Beck, Jade… Karaoke Dokie tonight, you in?" She then grabbed his arm, once she saw the look of protest on his face. "You _have _to be in… please!"

He looked at her a moment, and then sighed, nodding his head. "Fine."

She squealed and hugged him.

"You won't regret it, I promise." She told him, letting go of him and running away as she did.

He just hoped she was right.

Though he deserved a night of fun.

And he was most _definitely_ going to have it.

* * *

Cat felt she was somewhere very _familiar_, but she couldn't really place where that was exactly. For the life of her, she couldn't remember and didn't think she ever would be able to.

She sat with her friends at a table and ordered food. They made small talk, taking about random things, while they waited for the first performer.

That was when she realized, Luke was looking at her. He was smiling and just looked at her like she was the most beautiful person in the world. Though she knew it wasn't true as he had a major crush on Jessica Alba.

"What?" She asked, looking at him like he was annoying her (which he was).

"I think you should go up and sing." Still, that smile was on his face.

She shook her head, "Oh hell no. I—I can't sing to save my life."

They didn't know the truth, that she was an _amazing _singer. That she'd sung her whole life.

They didn't know she gave it up almost a year ago.

Singing was in her past now. She wasn't about to bring it back.

"I somehow doubt that," Anna chimed in. "I mean, a lot of people can't sing, but some people can. I feel like you could if you gave it a shot… I mean who knows, you might even discover a hidden talent."

"She's got a point." Luke responded. "Come on, C. Give it a shot. What do you have to lose?"

_Everything_. She thought, but instead of telling him that, she just sighed, and nodded her head. _Fine. Fine I'll do it. I'll just get it over with so they can stop bothering me about it. And who knows, maybe it'll be a good thing_.

"I thought we were here to make fun of everyone where they could sing or not." She responded, though her thoughts were saying otherwise.

"Yeah, well, what's the point of being here if you cant have a little fun. Come on, go up and sing." Anna said, a smile on her face.

"You won't regret it." Luke added.

_Yes, I will_.

"Fine," She responded after a few minutes. "I'll do it if it will shut you up."

And then when she stood up, and went to go sign up, she was surprised to find that she wasn't regretting this, not in the least.

Maybe this would turn out to be a good thing after all.

* * *

"Alright, alright." He heard the DJ as he and his friends walked in. "We've got a girl up here, she decided to keep her name anonymous. So, what song are you gonna sing?"

He couldn't see who was up there as the crowd was so big, it was nearly impossible to see a thing.

His heart hurt as he thought about Cat and what she would say if she was there with him. She'd probably take his hand and push him to the front, excitedly bouncing up and down like she always did when faced with excitement.

She was so different from everyone, and it hurt that he'd never speak to her again.

"I'm going to sing, _Sleeping Sickness_." She answered, her voice a bit shaky as she spoke. He still couldn't see anything.

Damn it.

"Wow, I wonder who's singing, I love that song." Jade said, surprising Robbie that she would like such a calm song like that. "What?" She said once she saw his expression, "I'm not all about dark and scary things." And with that, she walked ahead of him, stopping suddenly a few feet away. She looked back at him, her eyes wide, and then pointedly ahead of her.

He was confused, but he followed after her, his face unreadable as she saw what had caused her to be so surprised.

Because up there, on stage, sitting on a stool and singing her heart out, was none other than _Cat Valentine_.

* * *

"_I awoke, only to find my lungs empty, and through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing. And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be, and I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down. And I'm afraid to sleep, because of what haunts me. Such as living with the uncertainty, that I'll never find the words to say, which would explain just how I'm breaking down…" _Her eyes filled with tears as the emotion of the song got to her, making her remember everything that had happened to her.

She didn't want to break down in front of everyone, so she kept going, pushing through it—just like she had to do before.

"_Someone come, and someone come and save my life, maybe I'll sleep when I am dead, but now it's like that night is taking sides, with all the worries that occupy the back of my mind. Could it be with misery that will suffice?_" She pulled her mouth away from the mic then, and started to cry, unable to help it anymore.

She shook her head, and got up. Running off the stage, she ran out the back door, ignoring the DJ awkwardly trying to announce the next performer and the stares of everyone as she ran past them.

Leaning against the wall, she started to pound it, ignoring the pain in her hand as she did. Her crying grew stronger and louder, as she couldn't take the pain anymore and had _completely_ broken down.

The door opened then, and someone walked towards her. She didn't pay any attention them, just shook her head, and stayed against the wall, crying so hard, it was becoming difficult for her to breathe.

"Cat…" The person's voice was pained as they looked at her, fear, confusion, and heartbreak all visible on their features.

And then not a moment later, they had her wrapped in their arms, holding her close to them as she cried and cried.

Only once she calmed down, did she realize who had come to help her.

Robbie.

* * *

"Hey, where did Robbie go?" Tori asked, as she, Beck, and Andre _finally _joined Jade. "I couldn't see him, and the song sort of ended abruptly so, yeah."

"Oh." Jade answered distractedly, "He ran off a moment ago, I'm not sure where though." She shrugged, and that's when Beck noticed the tears in her eyes. He went over to her, and hugged her.

"Are you alright?"

"No." Jade answered honestly, looking up at him. "I'm not."

"Jade…" Tori whispered, "What happened?"

"Are you three seriously telling me you didn't see the last performer?" She asked, and they shook her head. "Wow." She pushed herself from Beck and stood up. "I think I'm just gonna go home, I don't want to be here anymore."

"Wait, Jade—" Beck stopped her, "What's going on?"

"Let me put it to you this way," Jade said, her tone cold. "An old friend of ours just performed a very, _very _emotional song and then ran off to god knows where." She looked straight at Beck, "And _that's_ what's going on."

And with that, she pushed through them and walked out of the club.

* * *

"R-Robbie." Cat managed to say, "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"I saw you run off." He answered, "I wanted to see if I could help you."

Suddenly she pushed him away, shaking her head as she did. "No, no one can help me."

"What do you mean no one can help you? We're trying, but Cat—you refuse to let anyone in!"

"That's because I don't want you to know what happened! Did you ever think of that? Even once?" She demanded, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Why are you being like this? We _want _to help you, but you refuse to see it because you're too damn stubborn!"

"I'm not stubborn!"

"Then tell me." He said, looking _right _at her, and speaking seriously. "Tell me what happened."

She shook her head, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"It'll change everything."

"I don't care! Don't you get that, Cat? I don't give a shit! It's been almost a _year_, since we've talked, and right now all I want to do is help you. You're my best friend, the best friend I've ever fucking had, and to know I can't help you, _kills _me. It's been long enough, okay? I can't do this anymore."

She bit her lip and started to cry again, shaking her head as she did.

"Cat…please." He whispered, his voice pained as he looked at her with so much concern and fear, it broke her heart.

"I was raped." She finally whispered, so low, he wasn't sure he heard her correctly.

"What?"

"I was raped!" She repeated, this time much, much louder. "I was raped by this guy who I thought was helping me, but it turns out he wasn't. He hurt me, Robbie. And—and there's nothing I can do to take it back."

He leaned against the wall, in disbelief, looking at her crumbling figure as he did. "You—you were… no fucking way."

"What? You don't believe me?" Cat looked away, nodding her head a bit. "I should've known you wouldn't. That's why I didn't tell you or anyone else."

"I'm not judging you." He spoke quickly, getting to her before she could walk away. "In fact, I didn't say I didn't believe you because I do." She just looked at him, "But something still doesn't make sense. Why were you in Canada for ten months?"

"Because…" She whispered, "That's my safe place. I was born there, and I know, that if that's where I go, no one can hurt me."

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, before looking at her, and speaking again.

"Do you want to come with me somewhere?" He asked, "Somewhere maybe a bit more private."

She wasn't sure, she really wanted to, and thought of her friends back in the club, but instead of worrying about it, she decided that maybe it was time to do something spontaneous (singing earlier didn't really count) for the first time in a while.

So she nodded and agreed to go with him.

* * *

It was dark when they got back to his house. In her mind, she felt she was being set up for something, but she knew that it was Robbie. She could trust him (even though that was a bit difficult) she knew he wasn't going to do anything to intentionally hurt her.

He turned the light on, and she noticed she wasn't in a house… she was in an apartment.

"What?" She looked at him confused. "Since when do you live in an apartment?"

"I don't." He said, "It's my cousin's. I'm just dog sitting for him until he gets back in a week."

Well, that made more sense, since at his house she knew she'd get annoyed with his mother constantly monitoring their every move.

"So…" He said, after he had fed the dog, who after a few minutes came up to Cat and start to lick her fingers, causing her to giggle. "Do you want to talk?"

She turned to him, _really _turned to him and realized a few things.

One, she had no reason not to trust him, as he was her best friend and always would be. Two, she'd been hiding long enough, it was time to show some sort of emotion, and three, she was _in love _with him.

Though she couldn't really act on that last part quite yet.

"Not really. I don't want to give you any details."

"Fair enough." Robbie agreed. He turned on the tv, and put on some mindless tv, shit they both weren't even paying attention to.

Just being there with Robbie again, was relaxing enough. She was happy he was the one to find her, instead of someone else. She always kind of secretly hoped he would.

So, without second guessing anything, she grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers together. She had nothing to be afraid of after all; this was Robbie Shapiro. The same guys she'd known for half her life; she had nothing to be scared of at all.

"Robbie." She whispered, her voice raspy, as he turned to her. "Thanks, you know, for this." She gestured around them. "And uhm, I'm sorry for being a bitch before... running off and—"

"You don't have to apologize." He assured her, "I'm just happy to be here with you right now."

She saw so much love in his eyes at that moment. She couldn't help it anymore. She couldn't hide her feelings anymore. So, she brought her other hand to his cheek, and leaned up, pulling him towards her, she softly kissed him. Breaking it a few minutes later, she was surprised to find that he pulled her right back to him again, his lips pressing against hers deeper, as she moved closer to him, so that she was sitting on his lap.

"I missed you a lot." He said a moment later, once they broke it. "You have no idea how much."

Her eyes filled with tears, "I know." She whispered back, "I missed you too."

And with that, they kissed again. This time, he gently lowered her on the couch, so that she was on her back, and kissed her more passionately. She moaned in his mouth and kissed him back, just as passionate.

She wrapped tried to pull him closer to her, as close as possible. She didn't want to be any farther away from him than she was at that moment, and knew just how to do it.

Though she was scared.

Because the last time she did it, she didn't want it.

But maybe she could just do this out of spite for what happened. Fuck that fucker who hurt her. He didn't deserve shit.

So when she started to take off Robbie's shirt, he was surprised.

"What are you—"

She looked him dead in the eyes, "I want this." She said, her voice raspy. "Right now. With you."

"You—you do?"

She nodded, putting her hand on his cheek, she gently trailed it down to his neck, and then pulled him close enough that he was only half an inch from her. "Yes."

And that was all the confirmation he needed to kiss her like he'd never kissed her or anyone else (not that he really had) before. She moaned into his mouth, her body shaking as pulled away from her so she was fully able to take his shirt off.

He then put his hands underneath her shirt, pulling it slightly until she got the idea, and sat up to take it off.

And to his surprise, she wasn't wearing a bra.

He tried to say something, but found he was speechless. She just grinned at him and pulled him in again for another passionate kiss. Grinding her body against his, biting on his lower lip. He made a noise in his throat, and then started to hungrily kiss her back.

He then put one hand on her chest, which was when she stopped suddenly and pulled away. Her eyes were wide as she seemed to come to her senses, "I can't do this." She whispered, "This can't happen." She gently pushed him off and quickly grabbed her things, pulling her shirt and jacket on, she got up, and walked to the door. Turning to him she gave him a sad look, biting her lip.

"I'm sorry."

And with that, she was gone.

* * *

He didn't see her after that.

Not for another month.

But he'd heard from a friend of hers that she had moved out to New York.

He blinked.

_New York? _Why the fuck did she go all the way across the country.

Oh, right. To make his already shattered heart more shattered—as if that was humanly possible.

He'd hadn't had any contact with her at all, and… getting as far as he did, he thought that maybe they were getting somewhere. Maybe they would be a couple, maybe she would… be okay.

He heard a knock on his bedroom door and shook his head. He didn't want any visitors, he just wanted the whole damn world to go away.

Too bad the _whole damn world_ didn't listen.

He got up to open it a moment later, after the knocking wouldn't stop. Though before he could get to the door, it was slammed open and his friends were standing there.

All but _one_.

"Robbie." Jade simply stated, staring him down. "Why didn't you open the door the first time we knocked?"

"Because I don't want any damn visitors." He snapped back.

Jade rolled her eyes. "You can't be depressed forever."

Tori looked in between the two bickering friends, "Why are you even upset anyway?"

Jade didn't even have a retort for that one. No one knew that he'd seen Cat and hung out with her the short time that he did.

"That's one of your business."

"We're you friends, Robbie. You've been depressed for weeks. Time to spill. What's going on?" Andre asked, taking a seat on his bed.

Robbie just shook his head and looked down. His friends all surprisingly waited, giving him his moment before he answered them.

"Cat." He whispered, and with that, everyone seemed to snap into concerned mode. "We uh, remember that night when she was singing at Karaoke Dokie? She just sort of ran off… and I went after her." Beck nodded, motioning for him to continue. "And we went to my cousin's apartment because I was helping him out—"

"Just get to the point!" Jade snapped at him. He only looked at her, silent for a few minutes before he continued.

"We made out." He finally said, "and then when we got… a little farther, she pushed me off her and just… left." He barely glanced at his friends. "I haven't seen or heard from her since."

"Do you know why she could've reacted like that?" Tori asked him. "I mean, obviously there's a reason."

"Would you react like that?" Robbie asked her. "If you were making out with a guy and he did something and you just pushed him away?"

"I would… if I had a reason." Tori chose her words carefully as Jade and Beck exchanged a look and Andre looked at Robbie concerned.

"Exactly." Robbie responded, and it was quiet.

He thought about Cat and what could've made her so scared or so upset. He thought long and hard about why would leave across the country when it happened.

He knew why she'd been upset.

How could he have forgotten? He was so damn stupid.

"Holy shit!" He jumped up so suddenly; he almost caused Andre to hit the ground hard.

"What?" Andre asked, "And thanks for the almost concussion by the way."

He ignored him. "Cat—I know why she's… upset."

"Really? Why?" Tori asked, as Jade just looked at her, pissed off that she couldn't say it first.

"Because she was—" He stopped talking then, realizing he couldn't tell them, it wasn't in his place to say. "I can't tell you."

"Dammit Robbie!" Jade was nearly yelling. "You can't just say you know something and not tell us!"

"It's not in my place to say." He said quietly, "But what I can tell you is that she's in New York."

"_New York_?" Jade demanded, "Why the fuck is she in New York?"

"She's scared." Robbie whispered, "So she ran away. Just like she did before."

"What do you mean she ran away?" Andre demanded.

"What do you know?" Tori asked him.

"I mean that she's scared. And when she's scared, she runs away."

"So… you do know what this means," Beck spoke up, looking right at him. Robbie just shrugged in response. "You have to go to New York and bring her back."

"What?" Robbie, Tori, Andre and Jade all said together.

"I mean, Robbie, you said it yourself. She's scared. At least she confided in someone and that person happened to you. So, you have to there, and make her feel safe again."

"Oh yeah? And how do I do that."

Jade looked right at him, "Do what you did before, that obviously seemed to work out fine."

And before he knew it, he was on a plan to New York. Only half ready to get his girl back, though he had new clue what he was doing.

He was scared.

* * *

She was walking back in the rain to the Upper East Side Apartment she lived in with a roommate, tired and worn out from her long day. She had decided that going to a private school was what would be best for her. Uniforms and all. Though, at that moment she was just wearing a tank top, hooded vest and a leather jacket. She also wore jeggings, and boots. She looked every bit the New York girl she now was.

The girl she used to be in Canada.

"Hey." She was only about two blocks away from the apartment when she heard _him_ speak. The voice she could recognize anywhere.

She turned around and saw Robbie behind her, getting soaked from the rain.

"H-hey." She managed to say, "What are you doing here?"

He stepped closer, "I came for you."

She blinked, "You _came _for me?"

"Yes." He said, "I want to know why you left. Why are you here?"

She shrugged, "I always loved New York. I guess I just wanted to get a jump on moving here early."

He shook his head, "That's not a good enough reason."

"Well, it's the only one I have." She snapped. "What do you want from me, Robbie?"

"I want you to trust me."

"I never said I didn't."

Okay, she had a point there. But still, something didn't make sense.

"Then why'd you leave? And don't give me the bullshit you gave me before. Tell me the reason. For real, this time."

"Because I was scared, okay? I was scared when you started to touch me… and it just brought me back flashbacks, but once I left, I realized how fucking stupid I was." Her eyes filled with tears, he could see it. "I didn't go back to you because I knew you'd be mad… so I just… left. It was easier to leave then face what had happened."

"You can't always think that's the solution to everything." He responded, "I mean, you keep doing that, you'll never get through life."

Well, that was harsh. Just a little bit.

"Well, what else am I supposed to do?" Her voice was unsteady, but still held that ice princess tone she had recently adopted. "Robbie, you know why… I freaked out. I was afraid, I mean its not something you can easily get over."

"I know, I understand that."

"So… then you understand why I left then."

He shook his head.

"Wait." She looked confused (and Robbie couldn't help but think how adorable that was), "How did you even know I was here?"

He shrugged, "I was at school, and some friend of yours came up to me and told me you were gone. At first I thought she meant that you had killed yourself or something and almost had a heart attack, but uh, yeah. I figured out it wasn't that." He added once he saw the glare he gave her. "But anyway, she had told me you moved here."

"Fucking Sam." Cat cursed, causing Robbie's eyes to go a little wide. She hadn't realized how much she had _really _changed until right then. Before she would gasp if someone cursed, even saying so much as "hell" or "crap" and even though he'd heard her say it before, it still surprised him every time.

"How did she know who I was?"

"I uhm… talked about you a lot, and had a picture of us and everyone else in my room." She said quietly, shifting from one foot to the other, "And yeah. That's how."

He nodded. And then they both realized it was still pouring rain.

"D-do you want to come in?" She asked him nervously. "well, we have to get to my apartment, but it's still two blocks down." He nodded, and she offered for him to go under her umbrella. He did and they walked the two blocks in silence.

Once they got in the apartment however, he started to take off his clothes. But stopped once he realized he wasn't exactly in a place to be doing that (or so he thought).

"Wait, do you live alone?" He took a chance and asked. She shook her head.

"I have a roommate, but she's in college. She goes to NYU, and since she has some huge party to attend tonight, she wont be here."

Awesome.

She walked to the fridge and pulled out two waters, putting them on the counter.

"And you?" He asked, taking off his soaking wet clothes as she took off her leather jacket.

"What about me?"

"Where do you go to school?"

"Some dumbass private school. I don't know. It was basically my only option." She shrugged, and that's when Robbie took the chance to look around. It was nice apartment. Big, and spacious enough for two girls.

It was perfect.

"So, I have a question." Cat spoke, causing his attention to turn towards her again. "What made you come out here?"

"Beck."

She scrunched her face up in confusion.

"He suggested I come here, and well, I guess a bit of Jade too."

Now _that _was surprising.

"They uh… want me to bring you back."

That wasn't so surprising.

"Well, then you guys are going to be disappointed. I'm not going back."

"Couldn't you at least consider it?"

She shook her head.

"Why not?" She could tell he was getting frustrated, and though he said he understood, she could see he really didn't.

"Because I can't, okay?" She handed him a water bottle and then walked into a room, come back a moment later, she gave him _his _old Hollywood Arts hoodie. He took it gratefully and put it on, zipping it up enough that it covered enough. She sat down at the kitchen table, and he sat across from her.

"Cat…" His voice sounded pained. "You have to go back. You've run away long enough."

Now she was angry.

"Fuck that, Robbie. I'm not going back to California. Too many… memories there."

"Good or bad?"

"Both."

"Which do you have more of?"

She was silent.

"Well?" He prompted.

"What difference does it make? I'm not going back, and even if I left here, I would probably most likely go back to Canada. So end of discussion. Just drop it."

"Don't you want to live out the dreams you've been wanting to and talking about for practically all the time I've known you?"

"I've given all that up." She said, "I'm reinventing myself. I'm not going to sing anymore, okay? Or act or anything that doesn't involve peforming. I'm _done _with all of that."

"And what do you want to do now?"

"Journalism and photography." She responded without any hesitation. "It's a more realistic goal, no offense."

Oh right. He'd forgotten she actually had writing, journalistic talents and a talent for photography. Though Jade did as well, but he doubted she was really going to pursue that.

"Right." He leaned back in his seat, and lifted his head to look at her better. "What happened to you?"

"You _know_ what happened."

And all he wanted to do was change all that. Make it seem like it didn't really even happen.

But obviously that wasn't going to work. She was stubborn. She'd always been, but now she was worse.

And yet he still loved her damn it.

Her hair wasn't red anymore. That he noticed when she'd come back and he'd seen her for the first time. It was now a dark brown color—almost black. Too dark for her, he realized.

The bright red hair symbolized her happiness. Her desire to be someone who didn't judge anyone or have a care in the world. A girl whose dream was to perform and _nothing_ was going to stop her from doing it.

But now—now her hair was a darker color. And it didn't symbolize happiness anymore. No, it symbolized someone who was _completely _different from the girl he once knew.

And _that _was the girl he saw sing up on the stage that night at Karaoke Dokie.

"That song you sang… that night we… yeah. Why did you sing it?"

"Because it just felt right to." She shrugged. Or, because it symbolized her pain.

He knew that now.

She was more broken than he realized and there was _no _way he would be able to help her unless she helped herself first.

"Cat…" He whispered, after a few more minutes of silence. "I'm so sorry."

Her head snapped at him so fast, she thought she was going to get whiplash from it. "What? Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry I'm trying to push you to be that person you aren't anymore." He said, "Obviously you changed and you aren't going to change back. She's… a part of your past now. That Cat you were before, and though it hurts, me and everyone else are just going to have to accept it." He then stood up, and grabbed his clothes. "Thanks for giving me the jacket, I'll send it back to you or something later, or before I leave tomorrow. But uh, it was nice to see you." His voice broke at the end. And he knew he wasn't the only one who had heart it either when he saw the sad look on her face. He walked to the door, his hand on the knob. "Bye Cat." He whispered, and opened it.

And what happened next shocked the _hell _out of him.

Cat had seemed to come to her senses, and quickly jumped up. She ran over to him and slammed the door shut, putting herself in between him and the door, she breathed heavily for a few minutes as they both just stared each other down.

"Don't." She managed to say. "Don't go." She got off the door, and put her hand on his cheek, a tear slipping down her own. "Please." She whispered. "Stay."

Well, if he wasn't confused before, he _definitely _was now.

She didn't want him to go. No, she wanted him to stay with her.

He was after all, her protector, right?

"Cat?"

She didn't answer him, at least not with words. Instead, she pulled him towards her, and kissed him. First it was soft and gentle, but after a few minutes, she deepened it, kissing him passionately, she broke it, and leaned her forehead against his, closing her eyes as they both tried to catch their breath.

"I don't want you to leave." She finally said. "I… I care about you a lot and—to be honest I think that there's more feeling there, but I'm not completely sure, because I'm so confused. I've never really had some one this close to me tell me how it is—well, unless you count Jade, but I really don't—and its just so weird for me, you know?" She had opened her eyes by then and was looking up at him.

He let out a light laugh, "Cat, you're not making much sense."

So, now she knew. She knew that not only did he _definitely _feel it, but he did as well.

He loved her.

And she loved him too.

She pulled him close again, her forehead resting against his, she rubbed his cheek lightly with her thumb. "No one would jump on a plane and fly halfway across the country to find me unless they really, _really _cared about me." She looked right in his eyes, "And despite all that's happened, to me… to us, to… well everyone, and you know me better than anyone else I know. You at least get me better than Jade, Beck, Tori or Andre ever will. I know that, and I still believe in you and trust you."

"Cat, what are you saying?" He asked her, his heart pounding as she tried to voice her words.

"I'm saying that you're perfect. This… what you did, it was perfect."

He was confused again. So she kissed him lightly, and then said the words he'd been waiting for since freshman year of high school.

"I love you." She whispered, against his lips, and then kissed him again. He smiled against her lips and kissed her back deeper, before pulling away and breaking the kiss.

"I love you too." He whispered back, "And just so you know, no matter what you think—you're perfect too."

"So cheesy." She teased with a smile, and he laughed.

"Says the girl who told me I was perfect just a moment ago. Right."

She playfully smacked him and then looked at him seriously before putting an arm around his neck and pulling him towards her, kissing him passionately. With her other hand, she pulled the zipper down of the hoodie she'd given him and pushed it off his shoulders. He did the same to her hooded vest, and she stopped kissing him long enough to pull off her boots and take off her jeggings so all she was left in was her tanktop and matching black lace bra and boy shorts.

Then she started to unbutton his still soaking wet jeans, which he just pushed off and let them go wherever, thanking god that her room mate was out until the next day.

Then she pulled him with her into her room, and pushed him on the bed. Getting on top of him, she started to kiss him again, biting his lower lip and causing a moan to come out, as he grinded his body against hers.

She moaned, and he flipped them so he was on top of her, causing her to arch her back and grind against him again.

He then pulled on the end of her tank top—which she happily took off—her bra coming off soon after that. Though he hesitated for a moment as the last time he tried something, she had pushed him off her and left.

But this time—there was nothing stopping them and they both knew it.

She grabbed his hand and put it on her chest, pushing it against her, causing her to moan. He squeezed her and she moaned his name against his mouth.

Damn it, if that wasn't the hottest thing he'd ever heard.

She tried to take off his boxers, and laughed when they literally stuck to his skin, he rolled his eyes, and pushed them off, taking her boy shorts off, and now, _now_ there was no turning back.

Though Cat seemed into it, her body was shaking—hard.

"Cat?" Robbie whispered, but she shook her head, her eyes squeezed shut. "Cat?" He tried again, gently shaking her.

"No, no…please." She whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks. She started to push him away, but Robbie wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"Cat! Cat! It's just me… Robbie. Look at me." Something must he said must've made her believe him, because she soon opened her eyes. Looking at him, she breathed heavily as he ran his thumb along her cheek. "See? I'm not going to hurt you."

She bit her lip, the tears streaming down her cheeks again.

"Sorry. I'm sorry." She whispered. "It's just the last time I did this… I didn't want it." She took a deep breath and then said something that surprised him. "That was my first time too."

He honestly thought her first time was with Beck when they were younger, since they had a short-lived relationship before going to Hollywood Arts.

"I didn't have sex with Beck, if that's what you're thinking." She said, "We never even went past kissing." She looked up at him, "I was too innocent."

Well, that explained a lot. Why her behavior changed after she'd gone back to Canada. She was innocent before. Having what happened to her happen… it made her change into someone no one recognized anymore.

She wasn't herself.

"What happened to you, Cat." He whispered, looking into her eyes, "It doesn't count."

"It doesn't?"

He shook his head and kissed her softly, leaning his forehead against hers. "No. You didn't want it. But… you do want this right?"

It took her a moment, but she bit her lip and nodded her head. "I do. Robbie, _I feel safe with you_."

A rush of emotion passed through him, and he leaned down, kissing her passionately, as she started to kiss him back. He soon broke it, and looked at her. He wanted to say it, he really, _really _did, but he knew he couldn't. Not yet at least.

So without another word, he grabbed her hand, linking their fingers, before he gently kissed her, slowly entering her. She gasped against his lips and he stopped moving. After a few minutes, she mumbled, "move, Robbie." And then pressed herself against him, causing him to go deeper. She moaned, and he groaned, and as they kissed they started to move faster together.

"Robbie…I'm—" He nodded, and started to go faster, kissing her roughly, and soon her body jerked and she let out a loud moan, exploding as he soon followed her, his movements slowing down. He pulled out of her soon after, and lay next to her. She cuddled against him and looked up, a smile on her face.

"That was amazing." She said, and he looked at her. "And… I'm not scared, at least not with you."

"Really?"

She nodded and kissed him. "Really."

He knew it was the right moment to say it, but still. He couldn't. Not yet. He wasn't really sure if she was ready to hear it.

But he did know for sure, that he felt it. It was just a question if she did too.

So instead, he went with something else. "Do you think… you could come back to LA with me?"

She looked up from playing with the end of her hair. Without a word, she got up, and put on a t-shirt and clean boy shorts. Then she handed him a clean, fresh pair of boxers. He wondered where she got them and recognized them as his own. He'd been looking for them, and hadn't remembered she had them. At the moment though, he remembered that she had stayed over his house before she'd disappeared, and he'd given her a pair of boxers and a shirt to wear to sleep. She never gave them back.

That thought made him smile a little.

"So?" He prompted a moment later, "Will you come back with me?"

"Robbie… I…" She looked down, playing with her fingers, before looking back up at him again. "I don't feel safe there."

"I know." He whispered. "But just think of all your friends. They'd _love _to see you again." She didn't say anything, so he thought of something that might change her mind. "What about Jade? You know, your best friend since you were in kindergarten. You don't know how torn she was by you leaving. You know better than _anyone _else, that she doesn't get emotional, yet she did when you left and has been ever since. Even if she puts up a front, she's so saddened by it."

Cat looked at him.

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad or give you a guilt trip, but… seriously. Not one person in Hollywood Arts would judge you. They just want to see you again." He paused, letting his words soak in. "If you go back, I'll be by your side every second, okay? I won't let you out of my sight."

She hesitated a moment, before going back to him and laying her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, and held her as he soon felt her body shake and realized she was crying.

"It'll be okay." He whispered, "I promise."

After a few minutes, she was silent. He wondered if she'd fallen asleep, but soon got his answer when she spoke, suddenly.

"Okay. I'll go back to LA."

He smiled, and held her close, kissing the top of her head. He said nothing and neither did she.

They didn't need to say anything to know what the other felt.

* * *

She was so nervous. She held Robbie's hand, squeezing it so tight, she was afraid she was going to break it.

She hadn't seen them in over a year.

She hadn't seen anyone from her old school in over a year.

Her eyes filled with tears, and butterflies flooded her stomach. She looked at them at the lunch table, completely oblivious to what was about to happen. Robbie had turned his phone off, so they hadn't known anything, let alone that he was back in California again.

"Okay." She whispered, "I'm ready."

Though she really wasn't. She was scared out of her mind.

Still holding his hand, they walked into the yard, keeping out of sight of their friends, but other students still saw them. It got dead silent as they walked further and further, until they reached the table.

Andre was the first to see them. He looked up, "Hey Robbie." He said, and then did a double take once he saw Cat. "Oh my…"

Tori turned around next, gently hitting Trina as she did. The sisters both looked at them, eyes wide, mouths open like they wanted to say something, but not sure what to say that would be appropriate enough.

Beck was looking at them weirdly and then _finally _turned around. He didn't say anything either, but to both Cat and Robbie's surprise, his eyes filled with tears at seeing his ex and best friend in front of him for the first time in almost a year.

The only person who wasn't there, was Jade.

Cat wanted to cry. She came mostly for her best friend, and she wasn't even there.

Beck was the first to do anything. He stood up, and hugged her tight, causing her to let go of Robbie's hand. She cried against his chest as he held her, crying as well.

Robbie stood to the side, and just looked at Tori and Andre who were emotionally standing there. Beck soon let her go and she was hugged tightly by Tori, Trina, Andre and then Beck _again_.

"Where the hell have you been?" He murmured, stepping away from her.

"Yeah, Cat. Where did you go?" Tori asked, repeating what Beck said. She looked at the younger girl's hair. "What happened to your hair? Why isn't it red anymore?"

"I didn't want to recognize myself." Cat whispered. "I hated who I was."

"But why?" Trina asked, "You were fine just the way you were."

She shook her head. She wasn't going to tell them, not yet. "I just couldn't take it anymore."

"Well, no matter what. You'll always be my Little Red." Andre smiled at her and she smiled back.

"What the hell is going on?" Everyone heard a moment later, and _instantly_ Cat recognized their voice. "Why is everyone crowded around our table like it's a damn circus act?" She pushed through Robbie and Andre, "There's nothing to see here! Go away!" She snapped at them, her back still turned to Cat.

"Jade…" Something in Beck's voice must've made her turn around, because she did. And once she did, the food she was holding fell to the ground, but she ignored it. Her eyes filled with tears as she came face to face with her best friend for the first time in months.

Pushing past Tori, she immediately attacked Cat, wrapping her arms around her, she brought her to her and held her tight, so tight, she wasn't sure if the younger girl could breathe, but also didn't care. She cried hard, as Cat reacted and cried with her.

The scene was so emotional, that even Beck, Robbie, Andre, Tori, Trina and a few others were reacting with tears in their eyes or tears streaming down their cheeks.

"I missed you so much." Jade said to Cat and Cat hugged her tighter.

"I missed you too." Cat responded, crying harder, and not willing to let Jade go. Not_ wanting_ to let her go.

"Guys, what's going—" Tori shushed Lane as soon as he and Sikowitz pushed through the crowd. By the look on her face, and everyone else's they knew something had happened. "What's going on?" Lane asked her. "Who's Jade hugging?"

"Cat." Beck responded, smiling despite how many emotions he was feeling. That was big since he hardly ever showed much emotion unless he was onstage acting.

"Cat? As in Cat Valentine?" Sikowitz asked and Beck nodded.

The girls broke apart, and both wiped their eyes, as Jade let out a laugh.

"Now look, my make-up is all fucked up."

"Oh you'll live." Cat responded, laughing as she wiped away her tears and under her eye. She looked up then and noticed Lane and Sikowitz were standing there.

She walked towards them, and looked at them; her favorite school counselor and her favorite teacher.

"Cat? Is that really you?" Sikowitz touched her hair. "What happened to your hair?"

"Yes, it's really me. And uhm… I wanted a change." She looked away. "I didn't like who I was."

Thankfully, they could both sense she didn't want to talk about it, so they smiled. "We're just happy you're back."

She gave them a small smile, "me too." She whispered and hugged them. She then turned back around and faced Jade. She walked towards her, and Jade smiled, holding out her pinky. Cat smiled too, and linked their fingers. It was something they did when they were younger, and she was happy Jade remembered it.

"I love you, Cat." Jade whispered and Cat looked at her.

"I love you too." She said, and then to everyone's surprise, giggled.

"There's the Cat we all know and love," Robbie said, going over to her and smiling. She smiled back at him.

"Wait, are you two a couple?" Tori asked, and Cat and Robbie looked at each other. To be honest, they weren't really sure, as they hadn't put a label on it quite yet. Cat felt like they were and she knew he did too.

"Yeah…" She said, "Something like that."

_Something like that_.

Those three words described them so perfectly.

He put his arm around her and she hid her face in his shoulder, blushing mad as Jade laughed, while Beck did the same thing to her.

"Finally." Trina said, "I've been waiting for you two to get back together forever!"

Cat laughed, happy that the emotional reunion had a bit of a tension breaker.

"I'm pretty sure everyone was waiting for that." Jade responded, narrowing her eyes. She wiped at her face again, and looked at her hand. "I need to go back to the bathroom and fix my make-up." She commented.

"Me too," Cat agreed, she looked around. "Though I think we're not the only ones…"

Jade laughed and hugged her tight, letting go of her pinky and causing Beck's arm to fall down. She managed to somehow get Robbie's arm to fall as well, and laughed at what she'd done.

"Same old Jade." Cat hugged her back, and then held her arm out, while Jade slightly turned and did the same. All their friends went into the group hug, crying and laughing and happy that they were _all_ back together.

There was no better feeling.

After all, they were like a family. And a strong bonded family that was never, _ever_ going to break apart again.

No matter _what _nothing could break them.

They were indestructable.

* * *

Cat was back in her apartment in New York. She was packing her bags, sad that she was leaving, but happy about it at the same time. She and Robbie talked about it, and now she knew it was the right thing to do. Especially with Jade's input that she better go back or she'd be a mess again, which was essentially ruining her rep as the toughest girl in school. That made her laugh.

Though she still didn't feel safe in LA, it didn't matter. With Robbie, Jade, Beck, Tori, Andre, and _even _Trina there to help and protect her, she felt like she was going to be okay. With all the support she had, how could she not?

She also started to see a therapist, so she knew leaving New York was the right decision. She missed Hollywood Arts. That school was _everything _to her at one point and still was.

Her life was there as well, and thankfully, her roommate understood.

"Are you sure about this?" Katie asked, and she nodded.

"I'm positive."

Katie stood up, she hugged her. Cat sighed, she felt like that was happening a lot lately, all these damn hugs.

"I'm happy for you." She told her honestly, smiling at her as she did. "I hope that what ever you're looking for you find it."

Cat smiled, "I already found it."

Katie smiled at her again, "Keep in touch okay?"

Cat nodded, "Of course, I got you on speed dial." She joked, and then closed up the last box. Picking it up, she looked around at her empty room and the somewhat emptier apartment. All her other boxes were already shipped back to LA, so all she had to do was unpack them once she got there.

Her life was about to change again and she couldn't be happier.

Katie announced she was going to go study, so with one last hug, she left her alone. Cat bit her lip and walked the door to the apartment. She opened it, grabbing her bag, she pulled out her key and put it on the table. Then she turned off the light and closed the door, officially ending her past life for good.

It was time to be carefree again.

It was time to be Cat Valentine again.

She honestly couldn't wait.

Biting her lip, she giggled and excitedly walked down the hall. Looking back one last time, she walked out of the building and to Robbie who was waiting outside for her.

"That's it." She whispered, looking up at him. "It's official. I'm coming back to LA."

He kissed her, putting all his emotions about what she said into the kiss.

"I love you." She said, once they broke apart. She looked at up at him. "Thanks for bringing me back."

He smiled, "I love you too, Cat. And you're welcome."

She giggled and kissed him again.

"Well, let's go. LA awaits and so do all our friends."

She thought about how Robbie had saved her.

He was her superhero.

A year ago, she was a broken girl. What happened to her; changed her. It made her someone she wasn't, and that bothered her. But now, _now_, she knew she could go back to being the girl she once was, but a little more matured.

Honestly, she couldn't have been happier.

There wasn't any fear anymore.

Because now she was free.

And nothing was ever going to get in the way of that.

She could _feel _again.

* * *

**Don't judge me.**


End file.
